Getting it back

Jul 28, 2016 by

Three years. That’s how long it’s been since I posted in this space. A lot has happened since then; more than I ever could or would care to recount. And after avoiding it for so long, I’m finally back, at least for a little while. I find that the longer it’s been since you last posted, the harder it is to start again. But the only person making it hard is me and I can deal with her.

As of my last post, I had just gotten a new job – the job I thought was THE job for me. And, like so many other times in the past, I was wrong. That job swallowed my life, my confidence, my time whole and spit them back out without mercy. I had been burnt out in the past, but what I felt after leaving that job can’t even be covered by the term burnt out. I once described it as being broken down, piece by piece. But I think maybe ground down is more descriptive in this instance.

Have you ever watched a coffee or spice grinder work? It cycles around and around and around, breaking up the large chunks into a fine powder. In the case of coffee, that makes it useful to us. In the case of people, it can destroy. All those pieces of you that you know and like, being pulverized and spread to the wind. All the pieces of you that you don’t like, spread out everywhere for the world to see. Dramatic, I know. But when you’re lying awake on Sunday night because of your anxiety about going back into work on Monday, you think about these things.

There were a lot of things that were frustrating and upsetting about that job, but one of the most frustrating was that it didn’t allow time or head space for me to write. Thankfully, I finally have that time back, and I don’t intend to lose it again. Maybe no one is reading this, and that is fine. It’s enough for me to be able to put it out there.

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  • Chris Slatt

    Woohoo! Elisa’s blogging again!

  • Monique Gonzalez

    I think a lot of people feel the same way you described… I think for all of people… we just don’t have enough encourage to step out on faith to do something different, we have a fixed mindset to believe this is how things should be, or we just don’t know how to break those chains. I know you said you don’t care to recount however it would be nice to know, what was the final breaking point? Glad you’re back – change is good

    • Thanks for the comment Monique! I don’t think there was a final breaking point really. I was just miserable and exhausted all the time and I finally woke up one day and realized that it wasn’t going to change unless I did something about it.

  • kristenej

    Welcome back!

  • Julia Rocchi

    We’re here for you, Elisa! Writing always helps me get my groove back — I hope it helps you do it, too.