Stuck

Mar 17, 2009 by

I am stuck trying to decide if I am being too hard on myself or not being hard enough. Where is the elusive line between the two?

Growing up, you somehow think that after a certain number of years on this planet you’ll figure everything out and that everything will become constant. Obviously, that is a load of crap. Granted, I’ve only been here 29 years, but that seems like enough time to get this issue resolved…and yet, it is not.

I think that women, especially smart, motivated ones, have this problem in aces. Here’s how it plays out for me: I have a project that I have set myself to in my personal life. I want to achieve something, I’ve set goals and time lines and I’m going to make it happen. Easy right? Um, not when you’re a procrastinator like me. I have so many other things to distract me! TV, movies, blogs, Twitter, my partner, etc. And before you know it, weeks have gone by.

But at the same time, I actually am spending 6 to 8 hours a week working on this thing. The domineering control freak in me screams that this is just not enough! I must devote more and more and more time if I’m going to get it done. Why should I let mundane tasks like doing laundry and eating distract me?

Where is the middle? Am I there yet? I just can’t tell.

As the dual natures of my personalities bicker, I can’t hear a thing above the din. It becomes hard to think and focus. It is at these times that I try to breathe, calm down and focus on what is truly important: maintaining my relationships with family and friends, growing myself as a person and as a professional. And doing laundry.

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